How To Win Friends and Influence People - Book Summary

Forget everything you know about influencing people. Surely you've heard about the power of persuasion, but what a lot of people don't know is that to make an impact on people's lives, you just need to be a genuinely good person. This is the easiest way to make others like and recognize you and your values.

In 1936, Dale Carnegie wrote the book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” after an intensive study of leadership, studying the psychology and reasons why some people like others and how to approach difficult situations without offending others.

Carnegie's ideas about how to interact with each other could make the world a better place if everyone embraced them in their daily lives. This is one of the main premises of the book, but below we bring the main pillars for you to start practicing today!

1 - Do not criticize, condemn or complain

If you want someone to change their mind, it's best not to criticize or condemn them. This attitude only makes people defensive and breeds resentment. Criticizing and condemning makes it harder for someone to admit they are wrong because they feel the urge to justify their actions or thoughts. Even if they change their minds, it won't be a lasting change. Instead, try reasoning with them and explaining your point of view in a calm, rational way.

2 - Give honest and sincere praise

Everyone wants to feel needed and important, this is really good for people's self-esteem. But it is very easy to distinguish superficial flattery from real recognition of good qualities and hard work. Look for qualities worthy of praise and don't praise anything just to make the other person feel good. If you're going to do that, better keep it to yourself. Be genuine in every comment and start influencing people.

3 - Arouse emotions in the other person

Most people have at least one activity or passion that they are truly interested in, but many do not pursue these interests because they do not know how to get there. One way to influence someone is by encouraging them to pursue their passions and to show them how to achieve success. It is also important to be supportive and help people sharpen their skills, this will improve their motivation and increase the likelihood that they will take action towards achieving their goals.

4 - Be genuinely interested in other people

You don't have to be as interesting as you need to be interested. People can tell if you're faking it, so it's important to be genuine in your curiosity and interest. There's nothing more stimulating than learning new things about others - each person is a sea of ideas and characteristics waiting to be discovered. Get to know people in depth, with interest and don't ask just because you want something from them.

5 - Smile

You have control over your thoughts, so choose to be happy. Being positive goes a long way and is contagious. Having an authentic smile on your face is an easy way to increase the chances that someone will like you.

6 - Remember people's names

And say their names often. Each person feels a lot of appreciation for their own name and being remembered even by people they have just met really makes them feel important. Show others that they are important enough to remember. Better yet, give them a custom nickname, it shows how much you care.

7 - Be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves

It's easy to think that we need to say the right things to make someone like us, but more often than not, listening is more important than talking. We all have interests that we are passionate about and want to talk about. When we find an audience who is sincerely interested in what we have to say, it makes us feel appreciated and important.

8 - Respect the opinion of others and never say “you are wrong”

In life, we are bound to come across people with different viewpoints from our own. It is important to remember that everyone has their own unique experiences and perspectives that shape the way they think about things. Just because someone doesn't agree with us doesn't mean that we have to try and change their mind - after all, it's impossible to force someone to see things our way. Instead, we can ask them questions that make them question their own thinking process, and allow ourselves to understand where they're coming from. Even if the other person is "wrong", trying to understanding them will only help build a stronger relationship.

9 - Let the other person do most of the talking

The best illustration of this principle is when dealing with children. By yelling and giving orders, you are not getting through to the child and may even be exacerbating the situation. If you take the time to listen to them, they will often calm down and be more receptive to what you have to say.

10 - Ask questions instead of giving orders

If you are in a position of power and you give a direct order, you nurture an us-versus-them mentality between those who give and those who take orders. If you ask a question or suggestion about the order, however, it makes the recipient a participant and may even spark enough creativity to perform the task in a better way. It will certainly suppress any resentment on the part of subordinates.

11 - Praise every little new progress

Praising someone is like watering a plant, it helps them grow. This is especially true for children, who need to be praised in order to learn and continue growing. Dogs also love praise, whether it's a pat on the head or a treat. With adults, praising good behavior will often result in positive reinforcement.

12 - Make mistakes look easy to fix

Telling someone they're terrible at something is a way of discouraging them, getting them to internalize that feeling, and maybe even give up. Instead, tell someone they just need practice to get better. Encourage perseverance, and better results and any mistakes will be smoothed out naturally.

These are some of the principles of the book “How to win friends and influence people”. It provides numerous solutions on how to correctly convey your point of view without alienating others. It's a great reading tip! For more tips and news, subscribe to our newsletter!